i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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