did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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