Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Acid is not a monday night drug
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
