Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
