Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
