Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
