how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize