Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
