my soul wont recognize me after tonight
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
