walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
