Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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