I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
