this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
