She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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