:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
