Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Randomize
