i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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