some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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