Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Randomize
