but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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