the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
