Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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