K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
