i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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