I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize