my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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