haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
