I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
you will always have a special place in my vag
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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