my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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