Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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