On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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