Michael Bay diarrhea
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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