I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Randomize
