Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
