Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
