i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
