I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
