How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
