I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
