im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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