Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize