U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
