I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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