Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
