i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
