somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
honey bunches of taint.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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