My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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