HIV tests are more positive than that guy
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Randomize
