Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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