For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
