so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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