So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
