Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
