do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
