I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
