Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
