dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Randomize
