Whoa Z and x make the same sound
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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