I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
