It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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