sorry about calling you the devil all night.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
The feeling are messing with the penis
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
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