apparently the secret to your success is patron
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
