Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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