he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize