Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
