Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Randomize
