Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
