exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
My pussy is not your playground.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
So squirting runs in the family.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
