It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
