apparently the secret to your success is patron
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
