I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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