i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Randomize
