Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
