I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
