he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize