I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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