I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
