Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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