He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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